Friday Night Bug Juice

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Welcome to Friday Night Bug Juice, a Metro Detroit bar review site. We're here to give you a look into the dive bars of the Detroit area, so you can hopefully spend your cash wisely, and get a little insight into the lives of a couple of hapless irish louts.

ABOUT

Welcome to the section of our site where you can learn everything you ever wanted to know and way too much more about the gang that works hard ruining their livers to bring you all you need to know about the dive bars of the Metro Detroit area!

OLD SHILLELAGH

Traditionally, the downtown Detroit bar scene has not gotten along well with Tony and I. It started about two years ago with a trip to Jacoby’s. I understood from various internet sights that a sister pub, 313 Jac, was upstairs and a great place to visit. While sipping on our opening beers, I mentioned this to the waitress, asking where the entrance to 313 Jac was and if a band would be making noise there. She acted like I was trying to get into her secret club and didn’t know the special handshake. The patrons were just as helpful. Fuck Yous!

A few months later, Tony and I were looking for a place to drink after a high energy Hives show at the Shelter, and we spotted the Sweet Water Tavern. We knew nothing about the place, except that it was nearby and open. Once the door closed behind us, we knew a mistake had been made. We turned into Boone and Flounder walking into the Dexter Lake Club in Animal House. We gave a quick wave to Otis Day and the Knights, and proceeded to walk by the curious black faces staring at us, in search of the back door. The Sweet Water Tavern has no back door. About face, past the same set of now amused black faces and out the front door. Crackers!

I mention this because Tony was not very receptive to my Friday night suggestion of visiting Delux Lounge and The Old Shillelagh in the Greektown area of Detroit. Memories of these past disasters were still too fresh in his mind (he has a great memory, especially for the bad stuff). We ventured into Dearborn instead.

Dearborn is dead.

We started at the Double Olive. It was eerily dark, the televisions were blank, the music was muted and nondescript, and the few patrons were chatting in hushed tones. It is very rare for our opening beers to go unfinished, but it happened. We walked 100 feet to the Post Bar, and although the crowd was slim, the atmosphere was a bit better. The televisions were on, the girls behind the bar were ridiculously hot and you could hear the tunes. We stuck around for a few drinks based largely on the hotness of the barmaid on our side of the bar. I told you us guys are simple. We decided to mosey another 100 feet to Howell’s (aka The Howler) and found it to be loud, smokey and filled to the brim with dudes. Without ordering, we walked another 50 feet to Bailey’s, some faceless corporation’s idea of a cool bar. Under the harsh lights, we nursed a beer and talked about how fucked we were.

I suggested the “D” word to Tony again. He was either drunk enough, or desperate enough to agree, so we headed to our car and the trip to the mean streets of Detroit. While cruising on 94, Tony put in an urgent urine request. No problem, there are oodles of places to piss near the Rouge Plant (sarcasm). I got off the expressway and spotted some shit bar where we both took advantage of their sparkling facilities (more sarcasm). Getting back on 94 proved to be tough, but after a bit of cursing we were on our way once again.

After what seemed to be an eternity, we found a lot in the Greektown area to park for a reasonable $5. Much to my surprise, I was able to pull up a mental image of the map I looked at earlier in the day and we saw Delux Lounge and The Old Shillelagh sitting right across the street from one another at the corner of Monroe and Brush. We decided to hit Delux first, and I was halfway through the front door with Tony at my heels, when a huge black arm stopped my progress. “It’s $20 apiece to get in...and we only have about an hour left to party,” said the hard case blocking our way.

Look, if we are not hip enough to join your party, just say it, and cease with the trumped up cover bullshit. I am not the combative type and am not inclined to venture into a place where I am not wanted. Tony swears that the tough guy at the door referred to us as Wally and Beaver, but I can not confirm...or deny.

The Old Shillelagh was an oasis beckoning two almost defeated Irish lads into its bosom. After coughing up the $5 cover, I looked forward to a cold beer and some great Irish music. I got some cold beer and DJ techno crap instead.

It took a minute or two for my eyes to adjust and see the Irishness of the pub. I found it in the “let’s drink” attitude of the patrons, both male and female. It also became evident in the fight that took place right next to me. To the credit of the staff, they did not overreact and the two main combatants were allowed to continue drinking.

I could not honestly tell you what our beers cost, but I don’t recall recoiling in horror. I do remember that the crowd was a great mix, with a lot of girls hanging in groups (if that kind of thing is important to you). And wonder of wonders, I was hit upon. Does tall, athletic, good looking and bold appeal to you? Even though the opening line of “Do you know me?” was trite, I can’t deny that it felt good to be noticed. Did I mention that it was a guy hitting on me? Fuck all of you, I still liked the attention.

I am still not sure how the techno music on this main floor fits a place called The Old Shillelagh, but it did nothing to discourage the throng. There seemed to be no distinct dance floor, but tons of people got busy, their dancing spilling into the tables and milling crowd. It made for a fun, if not hectic atmosphere.

After downing a couple of cold ones, Tony and I spotted a few people heading up a steep set of stairs, so we followed suit. The longtime house band Black Mist was doing their thing, while a knot of dancers did theirs on the even smaller upstairs dance floor. We stood against the back wall for a bit, though my growing haze prevents me from telling you what tunes were played, or if these tunes had anything to do with Ireland. I can say with certainty that the crowd was lapping it up (along with a generous dose of booze).

It was near closing time when we made our way back down the treacherous steps to the still crazed main floor. Here, Tony thanked me for making him come to Detroit and saluted the drunken mob with a final Tanqueray and Tonic. The Irish and the Irish at heart always know how to have a good time.

Cheers!
-Jim


Old Shillelagh:  349 Monroe St. Detroit, MI 48226
4 OUT OF 5
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B. BOOMER's

I’ve got a problem.

Every so often, a Friday Night rolls around and I am not in the mood to go out for revelry. The work week has worn me to a nub, it’s cold outside, I am not feeling quite up to snuff...

But, being a warrior, and not wanting to let little bro down, I grab a hot shower, a bloody shave of the head, douse myself in tacky cologne and head out the door. Many times, I find Tony to be in a similar mood. It’s like two chicks living together who get their periods at the same time. It can be quiet heading to the tavern of choice.

This is where my/our problem comes in.

The stink of stale cigs, the sound of a crappy cover band and the sight of a girl wearing clothes that are too tight for her body are the tonic that brings me back to life. Any worries, aches or tiredness are washed away with that first sip of Miller Light ( my personal version of Lourdes healing water).

That was the turnaround this past weekend as Tony and I stayed close to home, visiting B Boomers in Allen Park. This maize and blue haunt sits atop a small hill on Southfield Road at the foot of Roosevelt. There is parking on both sides of the bar, and on neighborhood streets if needed.

I have lived in Allen Park for 25 years, and a review of this joint cannot begin without an Allen Park Police warning. These pricks are well known to study the people leaving this bar in hopes of making a lucrative DUI bust. Never mind that I live on a residential street corner where punk kids and cell phone listening moms and dads routinely ignore stop signs and speed limits. The AP cops are way more interested in you after your third beer of the night. You will not catch a break.

There is no cover at B Boomers and rarely any line to enter. Not only is there no dress code, but don’t bother to dress to impress. Nobody else does. The main floor is filled with tables and chairs, which surround a small dance floor and raised bandstand. Up a couple steps to a small mezzanine overlooking the dance floor with more tables and chairs. Up a couple more steps to the bar and barstool seating. A few more tables flank the bar.

Why do I mention this configuration in such detail? Because you can’t walk around this fucking place, that’s why. Everybody stalks out their spot and hunkers down. If you are the type of person who likes to move about, forget it. You will stick out like a thin girl downriver, bumping shins all over the place and collecting strange looks.

Still, the beer is cold and cheap. B Boomers has draft beer specials all the time, if you can stand drinking from a flimsy plastic cup. Even though there is only one bar, the waitstaff patrols the floor and the barmaids work hard to keep you happy.

There are also live bands on the weekends, with Liquid Six kicking out the jams on the night we visited. Each member of this band took turns handling lead vocals, in search of someone who could sing a note or muster genuine emotion. I must have been the only prick who noticed, because the dance floor was consistently busy. Not full, but busy.

The crowd was decidedly mixed in age, evenly split between men and women and overwhelmingly white in hue. Big hair and muffin tops are in for the ladies, dangling cigarettes and droopy ass jeans for the men. People tended to hang with those they came with (see previous rant about tables and chairs). I don’t think I saw one guy hit the dance floor, just bouncing bundles of broads.

If you don’t care for the band du jour, there is Keno and tons of televisions including a dandy big screen at one end of the place. During big games and band breaks, the sound goes up on the television. This is a great idea, as Mickey Redmond can whip an Allen Park crowd into a frenzy. There is also a separate game room with pool tables, video games and pinball.

Although there is never any eating on Bug Juice Friday Nights ( Tony has always contended that food only slows him down), B Boomers is a good place to chow. I can vouch for their deep dish pizzas. There is nothing subtle about this pile of spicy fun. It is heavy.

B Boomers is certainly not a big destination spot, but if you happen to be a baraholic, it can turn a shite night right side up.

Cheers!
-Jim

B. Boomer's:  16006 Southfield Rd. Allen Park, MI 48101
2 OUT OF 5
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J DUB's

At my house, leaving to go to the bar on a Friday night, almost every Friday night, is met with surprising goodwill. My kids briefly turn their heads away from the television, say good-bye and kiss me good night. My wife Andrea appraises my clothes, tells me I wear to much cologne, tells me to be careful and also gives me a kiss. Out the door I go, into fantasyland, nary a harsh feeling to be had.

If you happen to miss a Friday Night Bug Juice, say because it falls on your 27th wedding anniversary, and decide to go out on Saturday instead, you can expect the good-bye to be a bit different. In my case, Andrea did not give me shit directly, she tipped her hand by barking at our son Jack. He left her sweet-tarts in the basement (they were the larger size to be fair), tried to watch Ferris Beuller (for the umpteenth time) and misplaced the portable phone (again).

My son was paying for the sins of the father and I didn’t look back even once, as I waltzed out the door to pick up Tony.

I walked out of that fire and into the frost at Tony’s house. His wife Beth said very little as I waited for my brother, then reluctantly got up to see us out. The usual good humor and loving kiss were replaced by a grim look and a perfunctory “have fun.” When the door closed, Tony deadpanned, “She really means it.”

The credit we built up by trudging off to work Monday through Friday had been spent by Saturday. The working class heros blowing off a little steam had been replaced by two bums deserting their loved ones.

There was the usual gallows humor on the way to J. Dubs in Riverview, even leading to some talk about pulling the plug on the evening (this was quickly squelched as we reasoned that the hard part, leaving, was already behind us). We actually wondered if the weirdness of bug juicing on a Saturday night could be overcome.

It could.

J Dubs was a regular stop on the tour many years ago, but had changed owners and styles about twenty times since then. Tony and I had heard it was back to being a rock dive bar, so we decided to give it a whirl. It still sat on Sibley Road between Fort Street and Jefferson, the only beacon in an otherwise dark industrial area. No problem parking in the huge lot, though a few more cars would have been nice.

No line, no over zealous jarhead checking ID and only two bucks to get in. So far, so good. I was initially placed in the pay me no nevermind club by the distracted chick behind the bar. I finally caught the eye of a fellow stocking the cooler and ordered the usual Miller Light and Labatts. Very reasonable at $4.50, and it came with a tip that during POWER HOUR all Miller and Bud products were a buck apiece. When it came time to re-up, the barmaid reminded us of the beer deals, but Tony being the connoisseur he is, stuck with the more expensive Labatts. His taste buds are so well educated.

The bar itself is huge, maybe too huge given the empty spaces that abound. The bar that sits right in front of the door is surrounded by tables and chairs. The stage sits in the corner at an angle and has a decent dance floor. A large open space is on the other side of the dance floor and is dominated by long rows of banquet tables and a second bar for better service. An area near these tables that used to be lousy with pool tables has been replaced by...more banquet tables.

Whatever the Oakland County crowd thinks of when they hear the word “downriver” was present at J Dubs. Lots of facial hair, stocky physiques and heavy drinking. The guys looked pretty rough too.

The Kopykats soon hit the stage, some straggly looking alt rockers fronted by a physically imposing female lead singer. The only thing thin about this chick was her voice. The first song I heard was a hard rocking version of “You're So Vain”. No good. Still, they did their job as the dance floor, while never jammed, was always in use.

If dancing is not your bag, or if you have difficulty dancing to Alice in Chains, the wide open spaces lend itself readily to talking and mingling. Of course, Keno and numerous televisions also dot the landscape.

J Dubs has an overall friendly vibe. People go there to talk, listen and dance to strange rocking music, and not be judged on how much money they have or what they wear. If you’re not a pretentious arse, a good time is easily had, even on a Saturday night.

Cheers!
-Jim


J Dub's:  12850 Sibley Rd. Riverview, MI 48192
3 OUT OF 5
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