Scapegoat: A person or group made to bear the blame for others or to suffer in their place.
My wife and I have put two children through the Allen Park School system and have a third entering his sophomore year at the high school. The first two have further distinguished themselves by graduating college with honors in four years and being employed in the careers for which they studied. That these two careers are teaching and social work, two fields notoriously difficult to break into, is a third achievement. The youngest is progressing nicely and was invited to the honors assembly at the end of his freshman year.
How do we do it? Are we Mensa members? Are we at the top of our respective fields? Do we drive the kids within a whisper of a nervous breakdown? First, even though my wife is sharp, I drag our intelligence curve way down (have you read any of the crap on this web site?). As to our professional lives, my wife is a former postal carrier who left her job after years of physical demand and I am a salesman for a family owned furniture restoration company. You will not be reading about us in the Journal (that’s Wall Street Journal for my fellow average-ites ). Finally, while we do emphasize education, we recognize that family and fun are key ( we have a ping pong table in our garage after all).
I mention these scholastic achievements not to brag, though our three kids are pretty damn great, but to berate. If your child is not doing well in school, do not blame the city in which you live, the building in which they study or the teachers standing in front of them. Blame your lame ass self! It is your fault and nobody else!
This is where that scapegoat word comes in. Attacking teachers and identifying them as the reason why your dopey kid can’t sit still, read or graduate may make you feel better about yourself, but it does not get you any closer to putting a kid out in the world who can do more than text and chew gum at the same time.
When you place the blame on teachers, you are telling me that a relative stranger who is with your child a fraction of the time that you are, can influence them more than you can. If this is so, you had better fix things on the home front, and quit making the honorable profession of teaching your personal scapegoat.
Do not take solace in the sympathetic legislation put forth from Governor Snyder and his Republican ilk. They have just managed to piggyback public sentiment with their real desire to replace experienced, well paid teachers with inexperienced, cheaper ones. If this works, and the teachers and their union are gutted, keep your eyes out for the next profession in the Republican crosshairs.
If you are able to quit blaming others for the inadequacies of your parenting ( a tall order for the type of person blaming teachers) I think I can help ( God that felt good...finally an area that I can offer advice in; certainly writing, romance and skin care are out).
To begin, my wife Andrea and I refuse to accept less than excellence. Good enough is not good enough to us. We never turn up our nose at a B grade, but we always feel that the kids are better than that and can achieve higher. We also talk about school on a daily basis. When my youngest and I walk his paper route, I ask him to take me through his school day on an hourly basis. If you wait to start a dialogue with your student when there is trouble at school, it’s too late. Also, our three always understood that blaming teachers, other kids or difficulty of tests is not an option. Andrea and I have not always been thrilled with the teachers assigned to our kids, but we respected them and the position they held.
Those general philosophies were combined with other daily chores. Before they even attended school, we read to the kids every night before bed ( even now we reminisce about some of those Little Golden Books books like “We Help Daddy” or “The Very Best Home For Me”). Andrea and I also believed in routine, putting the kids to bed at about the same time each night ( their own beds), getting them up at the same time (reluctantly), eating a decent breakfast (do Honey Grahams count?) and doing their nightly homework ( is there anything worse than Sunday night homework?).
I must stop now as I pulled a muscle in my shoulder by patting myself on the back. Still, give personal responsibility a try. Don’t look to Governor Snyder, look in the mirror.
Cheers! Jim
PS Bar fodder to return when Tony returns from vacation.
